Why Twilight is Terrible

Why Twilight is Terrible

I am a big fan of female empowerment because equality is just really damn sexy. The whole Twilight series, is, as far as I can tell, the very antithesis of this idea. Now, fans, I know you are probably struggling to contain your urges to bite [my head off], but please hear me out, because I think this is legitimately important.

Let’s walk through the basic idea, shall we? Start with a 100+ year old immortal guy, who, we are well assured is very, very, very good looking, and sparkles for some reason. Add a female character so devoid of personality, substance and description that she can effectively serve as a Mary-Sue surrogate for the naive 13-year old girls (or 13-year old girls at heart) of the world. Throw in an abstinence obsession so convoluted and bizarre that it could only have been hatched from someone who has some serious misconceptions about sex, and then layer heavily with an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

Bella Mary-Sue is pretty much useless before Eddie comes along, and from what I can tell, that seems to be the continuing theme through the entire series. But as soon as her man comes along, everything is flipping sunshine and daisies. I mean, sure, he watches her all the time, even when they aren’t dating and he doesn’t have any justifiable reason to be anywhere near her. Then, after an eternity of longing gazes and hack writing, they finally consummate the relationship like horny teens the world over. Oh wait, they don’t, even though Bella really wants to. Edward remains firmly in control of their physical relationship, because he is a man vampire, and that’s the end of the discussion. So this centagenarian is stringing this virgin along without even allowing her to kiss him. But it’s LOVE, you say. BULLSHIT. This has all the markings of Stockholm syndrome as well as emotional torture.

It gets worse. In the second book, after Eddie the asshole unilaterally decides to end the relationship, Bella is destroyed. We’ve all been there, and written our fair share of emo poetry(or is that just me?). A healthy person develops some self reliance and independence, and usually comes out a better person. Our role model? She just gets into another fucking relationship with some other creepily obsessed guy (spoiler alert) who also turns out to be a werewolf, and then everything is better. Yes, women of the world, you can only be happy if you have a strong, perfect man who is completely obsessed with you. This guy even introduces her to his family, which is full of other ‘normal’ relationships, including a fiance who was beaten to the point of death by the man werewolf. But she LOVES him. That’s not love, that’s abuse, and there isn’t a single person in the world that deserves that, and I don’t care how nice his pecs are or how much he really, really wants to fuck kiss you. Oh, I might add that the women only refer to themselves in relation to their man, in an implicitly subservient fashion (vampire girl or wolf girl).

I understand this is fiction, but it is serving as a model relationship to the millions of readers who are at this very moment debating fervently which of the two misogynistic assholes is the best. These women are internalizing the model of a man at the centre of one’s happiness, where emotional and physical torture is just part of the package of love. Sure, it’s just a book, but its ideas are setting the modern gender-empowered female back about a hundred years.

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~ by Andrew on November 23, 2009.

19 Responses to “Why Twilight is Terrible”

  1. I’ve already told you that I think this is brilliant. But don’t comments feel nice?
    Let’s go watch some actual vampire movies!

  2. What I mean to say is I guess this means I am Komar girl.

  3. If you want vampire fiction that serves more as romance fantasy than horror, I recommend True Blood. The lead female is more independent, and if you are going to have trashy vampire porn at least make it as explicit and shocking as possible!

  4. Best vampire movie that actually remains true to vampire lore: Let the Right One in. And it’s SWEDISH!

    • i agree. the book is even more disturbing. the only thing that glitters there is the dried blood of hacked-off appendages.

  5. Lets just all agree that Twilight sucks, and that Salo is the model we should all try to emulate in our interpersonal relationships. Right? Right…

  6. I just can’t believe you read the books.

  7. andrew, you’re such a tool

  8. But but sparkly vampire cock. How can you say no?

    PS the author? Hardcore Mormon. Surprise!

  9. Jeff wins for the Salo reference. Now that’s a movie to bring a date to!

  10. Aweseome review, even though I’m not a girl. I just wanna add something you forgot, they did nothing for their relationship. Its just because Edward is…”hot”… and mysterious, and Bella smells good…which is never EXPLAINED! PLOT HOLES! THE BOOK IS FULL OF THEM, not to mention the fact that Meyer just came a long and completely changed Vampires in a very bad way…They…do not…SPARKLE!

  11. […] Twilight, my thoughts on you are well developed, but now, you’ve gone and made it personal. Nobody messes with Kirk, except […]

  12. Damn New Moon.. I like the first part! and maybe the third the, eclipse. I cant wait to see that part. to Breaking Dawn…

  13. I’ve been trying to intelligently explain this to so many idiot twilight fans (without blowing up) for so long. Thank you for this. It will prove useful to me in the future.

  14. […] I guess the blog started being “noticed” by people outside of my immediate friend-o-sphere with a post I made about my TI-83 Calculator, which I wrote originally for the Plumbers Faucet- inarguably the best and funniest campus paper, but this one is notable cause it was featured in a carnival of the blogs about nerdy stuff! Other awesome articles that were published in the Faucet were my articles on FarmVille (which still gets lots of hits off of google), in which I fiendishly uncover the secret plot of Anarco-faschist hippie communists; my  Modest Proposal, in which I try to inject a needed vein of absurdism into our student political sphere; and one of my favorite articles I’ve written: Why Twilight is Terrible. […]

  15. […] less and less like a love story, and more like wish fulfillment. I’ve written before about how Twilight is anti-feminist, but is wish fulfillment necessarily a bad […]

  16. […] the books are not puritanical in the least. No, I’m not comparing them to that other series. Well, maybe. The characters are teenagers, thus they are sexual beings who discuss sexuality in […]

  17. […] Why Twilight is Terrible November 2009 18 comments and 2 Likes on WordPress.com 4 […]

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